Stephen King Stole My Title …

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… I wanted to call this post ‘On Writing‘. I shan’t dwell on that though. However, if you haven’t read that particular title of Stephen King’s I highly recommend it.

Back to the post at hand and what perfect inspiration this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is for me. The blog has been quiet the last week or so. New working hours have been well and truly kicking my ass, there has been a lot of daytime snoozing to make sure my physical and mental health don’t slip. I have had to accept that for the moment the blog isn’t the most important thing in life right now. That doesn’t mean regular service won’t resume though, it will and the reason is that I love writing and when I saw the Wicked Wednesday prompt I knew it was the perfect blog post to kick start my writing again.

For me, writing has been an outlet of emotions since my teens. My first love when it came to producing writing was poetry. I can’t recall my exact age but I was around twelve I think when I read ‘Love’s Philosophy’ by Percy Bysshe Shelley. That single poem felt to me like the purest and most wonderful thing ever written. It sent me on a journey to discover a poem I loved more than that one. To this day I have never found one, that poem remains my all-time favourite. It moves something inside me everytime I read it and I never tire of it.  

I have never focused on the technical aspects of poetry, I am aware of them, I simply don’t rely on them to fuel my enjoyment. I enjoy poetry that moves me. When I write poetry I do the same, I write it in a way that makes my feelings take form in words. I have had (unsolicited may I add) critiques of my poetry that stated I should use more grammar, change my sentence structure, make them shorter/longer or simply make them more universal or accessible. That was never an option f me though because poetry was always such an intensely personal thing for me to write. Poetry is mine, it is for me and me alone. When I share it with the wider world, it is in a very different way to how I share blog posts and erotica. I share poetry to feel at peace with my thoughts, letting those words roam free is almost the final act of catharsis needed to process whatever it is I am writing about.

When I started writing erotica, which was the next stage of my writing to appear on a public platform I started to write for others as well as myself. My early erotica was all very focused on D/s, and in particular, it featured male dominants and female submissives. The D/s dynamics were always very structured, with lots of protocols in place and there was always a strong sense of D/s being a salve for emotional turmoil or someone who felt they were beyond fixing. They very much portrayed my headspace at the time, and they were a way of my processing and identifying what it was I thought I wanted from my journey into kink. In hindsight, they were actually a massive red flag with regards to my state of mental wellbeing at the time. Which isn’t to cast aspersions on people who do have dynamics like the kind I wrote about, but I was searching for that kind of dynamic for all the wrong reasons, reasons that would have led me to a very dark place had I stumbled upon the wrong person. Which I did briefly, but thankfully it was short lived.

Those early pieces of erotica were well received though and they resulted in many people reaching out to me and asking for advice on their own dynamics, as it was assumed that I was writing from experience rather than from wistful daydreams. What that showed me though was that I had some kind of skill for tapping into emotions in my writing that resonated with other people, and that was what got me hooked. To this day that is still my number one motive when writing erotica. I want to create an emotion with you, I want to tap into a part of you that will result in your genitals tingling or your heart leaping. Some of the best responses I get on my writing are short ones. Where people use their caps lock and simply write ‘YES!’ or ‘THIS!’ Because I know when I respond like that it’s because everything I feel has already been said, so all I can do is confirm that I think it’s awesome.

I’m still not sure how I actually ended up being ‘a blogger’ and yes, imposter syndrome leads me to use the quotation marks, because, despite the recognition and support I receive for my blog posts, I’m not sure when I will ever feel like I’m an actual blogger and not just some random spewing out words every few days! I think like many good things in my life it actually started with Bakji, which is ironic because he hardly ever reads my blog! When I started exploring FemDom with Bakji is created feelings in me that I could never have imagined, and tapped into feelings I thought would always bypass me. When ideas for erotica were thin on the ground I found myself reflecting on the experiences I was having with Bakji and they just started to fall from my fingertips unbidden and my more personal blog posts were born. It took me a long while to begin sharing them though. In part because in those early days Bakji and I weren’t great at communication and I hadn’t even told him some of what I’d written so I hardly felt like I could start sharing it with everyone else.

FlossDoesLife began because I thought it would be good to share my thoughts on non-monogamy as I made my way through what I was certain would be an absolute minefield of a lifestyle. It was also meant to be more inclusive of being a kinky parent and how I navigated all aspects of my life while trying to start my new adventures in kink. The ethos of my blog changed fairly quickly, but essentially the name still fits. This is my life. Being kinky and living an alternative life is part of my everyday being.

Now I write this blog because I have things I want people to know. I recommend other blogs for the same reason. When you are new to kink, or to non-monogamy there is a lot of ‘one true way’ propaganda disguised as helpful information. When the truth is that to do either in a healthy and authentic way you have to find your own path. Which often means taking bits of advice and inspiration from others doing the same/similar and altering their ideas to suits your own situation. It very rarely means following a doctrine laid out by one or two people to ensure that everyone fits into their neatly labelled way of doing things.

I don’t write this blog post because I think everyone will, or should agree with me. When one person reaches out though and says ‘thank you for writing that because … ‘ or ‘I really needed to read that, thank you for sharing’ it makes what I do 100% worthwhile. As I said earlier in the post, poetry is mine and for me, but this blog is ours and for us. I try very hard to make my posts positive even when I’m having a rant or talking about intensely personal things, my motivation for doing so is always positive and well-meaning because it matters to me that when people find themselves here they come away from a post of mine feeling better not worse. It matters to me that when I step away from erotica or kink in my writing that I do so for a good reason. That when venturing into posts on depression or abortion I’m not judgemental or full of sorrow, but also show some kind of light, even if the only light is shedding some of the stigma we face in talking about certain issues.

I have many plans for my writing and blogging future, some are probably easier to achieve than others. Some are planned for the immediate future, some are distant plans that will take a lot more work and assistance from others to realise. One of the things I am most excited about with regards to blogging is attending Eroticon in March next year. Meeting other bloggers and attending talks by as many wonderful and knowledgeable people as I possibly can is bound to bring good things to my blogging world.

It would be remiss of me to discuss my writing without giving a huge shoutout to the memes I regularly get involved in. Quite often I will have no ideas in my head and them a prompt from Masturbation Monday, TMI Tuesday, Wicked Wednesday, Flash Friday, Food For Thought Friday or Kink of the Week will trigger an idea in my brain and just like that, I have a post ready to go. Okay maybe it takes a bit more effort than ‘just like that’ but I think you get where I’m coming from.

I started with poetry and I’d like to end this blog post with poetry too, which is incredibly self-indulgement but that too seems fitting because poetry and many other aspects of writing (and reading) are in fact wonderfully self-indulgement for me and I make no apologies for that. This poem, however, is one of my own, not one written by another. I initially thought I’d pick my favourite, but that is a bit like choosing a favourite baby. Instead, I decided to pick one that still speaks to me even a long while after I’ve written it.

Pieces of the parts
Of the you that you are
Seem to beguile me
My eyes seeing the world
With the shine and laughter
Cast into them
When we are alone
My senses are mesmerised
With a command
As soft and calm
As a warm summer breeze
So my eyes linger
Though longer
Is never enough
And my hands are drawn
To learning your lines
The contours
That create the body
My fingertips find
As I’m pulled in closer
I listen, content
To each breath
To each heartbeat
To every sound
That you make
And when you kiss me
The passion
Begins to unfold
Do you know you taste
Like a wish
I made long ago
And I can’t help
But breathe deeply
When you rest in my arms
My nose nuzzling softly
So your scent fills my lungs
And I can finally rest
Enchanted
And disarmed
By your charms

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Who else is being Wicked this Wednesday?

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