Coming Out of the Kinky Closet

So technically, I’ve had two coming outs! I’m greedy like that! There’s my ‘I’m not straight’ coming out and my ‘I’m into BDSM’ coming out. On both counts I’m pretty much entirely out of the closet and that closet is now full of Latex, whips and sex toys. So basically opening it takes me to a sexy Narnia.

I’m going to focus on my kinky coming out though as this writing was inspired by the most recent episode of #ProudToBeKinky podcast and kinky coming outs was this weeks topic.

I’m very lucky in many respects. Firstly I have a job that allows me to be open. My work colleagues all know about my proclivities and while none of them are kinky (that they’ve admitted to me yet) they’ve all be very accepting and have asked lots of questions so they have a better understanding of what it is I enjoy.

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The kind of thing I now keep in my kinky closet!

While most questions have been insightful and I’ve really enjoyed covering topics like cross-dressing and D/s with them. Some questions can’t help but make me giggle. My favourite one being ‘so do you know the names of anyone at the parties you go to?’ When explaining that the people I have met on the scene are my friends so of course I know their names, I was met with a look of astonishment and the follow up questions of, ‘so it’s not all masked orgies and secret handshakes?’ Er …. no, not so much. I’ve been on the scene nearly two years and haven’t been to one orgy, be it masked or not. Maybe I’m hanging out in the wrong crowds after all! Where are my orgy invites people!

I’ve also explained to my dad and my ex-partner that I visit Fetish Clubs and go to BDSM parties. My reason for this is more practical. Should anything ever go awry and I or Bakji need to phone and explain there’s been an issue or accident preventing me from getting back home, I don’t want where I am to be a shock. It is a far fetched scenario and I hope a totally unfounded worry. But it was enough of a thought in my head that I decided to have those conversations.

My dad as it happens is probably my greatest supporter. His main worries for me are; am I happy? And am I safe? He knows the answers are a big yes to both so he has moved on to more frivolous questions now. For example, is my latex tight and have I seen many gimps at my parties! He is also open about what his daughter gets up to with his friends, prompting an evening long conversations with his partner and another couple about what Fetish clubs might be like. As open as we are with each other I live in fear of him asking me to take them one day!  

I haven’t really had any negative experiences. However I do think my decision to not tell some people has created a distance between us that can be hard to bridge. My foray into the Kink world also marked a start of many new beginnings for me though, and in some cases I’ve had to make the hard choice of new life over old.

Despite the fact I can often sound quite blasé about my level of openness about my lifestyle, none of the decisions to talk about my interests have been easy. You never know how people will react and you can’t control their opinions of you once they’re in the know. All you can do is be armed with information and be willing to answer many, many questions.

So, if you’re sat reading this thinking that there really are people you would like to open up to about your lifestyle, here are my tops tips for coming out as kinky:

  • Start slow, if you’re polyamorous, a 24/7 slave, living full time in Latex, while earning a living as a cam-girl, that can be a lot for someone to take in.
  • Try to avoid too much scene lingo. Words like rigger, bunny, furry and little take on new meanings once you join the scene. But simple explanations like ‘I enjoy intricate, pretty rope bondage’, actually conveys something that most people with be able to derive meaning from.
  • When talking about things like Fetish clubs, I always focus on how good it is to be able to dress to excess and mix with like minded people. As opposed to pushing the dungeon and play side of things.
  • As previously mentioned be prepared to answer a lot of questions, I have a ‘no question is too personal’ approach and will share as much as someone asks of me. However if talking about the intricacies of your sex life isn’t your bag, then it’s okay to answer questions while still keeping some personal boundaries.
  • People like to know you’re happy, and cared for. Things like impact play, bondage and power exchange don’t scream ‘I am cared for’ for those not in the know. So focusing on the emotional side of BDSM may be of benefit.  
  • Be mindful that people might need time to process. Shock may well give way to understanding, so don’t write people off if they are a bit taken aback at first.

If you’ve just read this and are thinking to yourself that coming out as kinky really isn’t for you, please don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for that and never let coming out as kinky be anyone’s decision but your own. Out or not, either decision is as valid as the other, and every individual knows which path is right for them.

Floss Does Fetish Clubs

In the most recent episode of #ProudToBeKinky, myself and Bakji talk Fetish clubs. If you have no idea what #ProudToBeKinky is check out my blog entry ‘Podcasts & Princess Parts’, short explanation though, it’s a super awesome podcast that I sometimes get to be on. In episode #006 we talk about what to expect from your first visit to a Fetish club, while I chat briefly about some of my own experiences I though a morein depth version might be fun for flossdoeslife. That’s this website by the way, in case you are here because you are lost. If you are lost, please stay, I promise it will be lots of fun.

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Hair done, Eyes done, Nails done for a Fetishy Adventure with Bakji

My first visit to a Fetish club was, to put it bluntly, lame and very underwhelming. This was absolutely no fault of the club, I know other people who have had fab times there. Unfortunately my companion for the night convinced me getting changed there would be impossible, cue me having to buy a new coat to cover my sexy outfit, however with it being spring time my options were limited, and it was an ‘only just’ coverage. So when the same companion decided we had to stop for cash and her outfit made maneuvering tough, I was the one who got leered at by the vanilla fellas at the cashpoint. We also spent all night unable to chat much because the music was loud, and we therefore didn’t speak to anyone else either. For various reasons we didn’t take advantage of the dungeon, so all in all it was rather boring. I tell you this not to give you a horror story so you don’t go, but to show that going with the right people and knowing a little bit of what to expect can make all the difference to how much fun you can have.

Since then I’ve been to lots more Fetish clubs and have had an absolutely wonderful time at every one. I’ve been in a group, with a couple of other people and often Bakji and I just go off on a little Fetish excursion just the two of us.

I absolutely love going to Fetish clubs, my main reasons I enjoy going are:

  • I get to dress up
  • I get to use equipment I don’t have at home
  • I get to meet new people
  • I get to watch other people’s style of play
  • I get to see a wide variety of dynamics unfold

Fetish clubs are fascinating places and they are filled with wonderful and diverse people, some of whom could end up being great friends. You also get to see how other people play and a variety of dynamics you might not see at the local munch. Myself and Bakji switch roles between Top and bottom within our dynamic, however those roles are fairly low protocol and tend to stay in scene. However,  I really enjoy watching high protocol dynamics play out, and also enjoy seeing people enjoy each other and play with passion whether it is a dynamic I have an interest in or not. It’s a privilege to be able to witness other people explore each other, and an experience that is endlessly captivating.

While I must admit I spent a long time fretting over what to wear to my first Fetish event, I now realise so long as you make an effort, and expectations of ‘effort’ will vary from club to club, essentially for me it is just a really good opportunity to have some fun and dress in a way you never could outside of your own home. Latex, fishnets and 6-inch heels might turn a few heads down at the local watering hole.

In terms of equipment, there are a few things of my own I always take. Rope, a blindfold, a gag and impact devices. Sometimes I will also take leather cuffs. I may or may not use all or any of it, but it’s always good to have with me. Different clubs have different dungeon equipment on offer to use, some have a fab selection, others less so. Items we have so far taken advantage of on various occasions include St. Andrews cross’, spanking benches, bondage chairs, examinations chairs and hard points for rope suspensions.

It can be easy to be a daunted by the prospect of what types of play might occur in a Fetish club, though just to clarify as we did in the podcast, play does not necessarily equate to sexual play. Again the rules of sexual activity and nudity will vary from club to club. However things that we regularly see are rope floorwork/suspensions, bondage (none rope) and impact play. The sexual elements of play we do see, but less often. There is also no pressure to play as others do. Or to play at all. If your night would be amazing by putting on your sexiest outfit and dancing the night away surrounded by like minded people, a Fetish club is still well worth a visit.

Also don’t worry if you like the idea of using the equipment but don’t quite feel brave enough. I honestly thought I’d never Top in public. All those people who would clearly be watching my every move, waiting to see the error of my ways and discover I wasn’t a ‘proper’ Top. Yes, I actually worried about this, but in reality, everyone is doing their own thing, and so long as you are playing safe, no one is going to be concerning themselves with your play. If they are watching chances are it’s because it’s fun and sexy to watch. I have since shed my fears and have no qualms about wrapping the gorgeous Bakji in rope and teasing him merrily in public.

So to sum things up:

  • Get your gladrags on, get to a Fetish club & have a bloody good time
  • If you have any queries about dress-code or club etiquette, club organisers will be happy to answer any questions you have
  • Best place to find Fetish nights near you? Fetlife

Surrender

We don’t do this often, giving in to the raw, unrestrained, sweaty, heady throes of passion. Not because we don’t enjoy it, certain elements of these sessions suggest we both enjoy them immensely. We do however do other things and we craft and engineer our times together, which is way more romantic than it sounds I promise. It is also crucial I think to making the most of the moments we share together. Especially when together isn’t every day, and those, albeit small, stretches of time between visits lend themselves well to plotting and planning sexy scenes.

So impromptu moments of passion while so very tempting to give into, are often pushed into being something more, that desire to have him right there and then, when left to bubble inside turns into a deeper, achier, wanton want. The sub in me becomes subbier, the Top in me becomes, well a little bit feisty to be honest, I’m not entirely sure she’s a fan of being made to wait! My eyes are constantly taking him in, and every now and again I’ll hear that little Toppy whisper; ‘You could just wrap your fingers round his throat, and grab his cock … I’m pretty sure then we wouldn’t have to wait. So. Damn. Long.’

That eager, feist Top doesn’t have an awful lot to say though when the moments of giving in to the downright sexy sex do happen, and if she does think she’s got a fighting chance of speaking it doesn’t take much to silence her, a fistful of hair? Teeth sinking into my shoulder? Yep. That’ll do it! Because in those moments when it’s nothing but flesh upon flesh, it feels a little bit like being claimed, a not so subtle reminder of why I enjoy doing all I do with him.

It’s a peculiar thing to reflect upon, I’m not owned or collared, and don’t particularly have any designs on that happening and I love Topping him so much more than I ever could have imagined, just thinking about it makes my eyes glaze over and my body tingle. There’s a part of me though that absolutely adores that primal feeling of being taken. It’s a different type of surrender to subbing. It feels like a desperate, base level need to be overpowered, and enjoyed.

I know it’s not an uncommon thing in many BDSM dynamics to melt at a well placed ‘mine’, whispered or growled at whatever moment it is deemed appropriate, but for me there is nothing that says ‘mine’ more than these moments. That’s not to say it’s his intention to cause this reaction, but he does, so he’ll have to live with my response to his ever so sexy and manly outbursts of unbridled passion.

I think the reasoning behind my response is that I could top someone or bottom for someone and enjoy it without there being even the slightest hint of sexual interaction or even sexual attraction. A little bit of bum whipping between friends or some giggly rope can be a lot of fun, but finding the right level of chemistry and affection to make me want that level of sexual intimacy is a whole different ball game though.

Somehow I have been lucky enough to find someone who makes both prolonged teasing and instant gratification exceptionally fun and passion filled. He also makes me feel cherished and cared for both before, during and after any kind of debauchery. Even on the days I’m not quite feeling myself, he still brings hugs, kisses and laughter which makes me feel just as special. I think it is these actions, combined with the hair pulling and the biting, that cause me to completely surrender in those lust fuelled moments, because I know in those moments I can allow my body, my brain and my heart to be on the same page and still be absolutely safe from harm as I lie trapped beneath the warmth and strength of his body.

Podcasts & Princess Parts

Back in June 2015 I met a lovely fella, who is hella gorgeous and holy-fuck sexy, which combined with the fact he is beautifully kinky has the effect of making my Princess parts feel like there’s a party in my pants every time I see him. That alone is pretty fun, and very satisfying. However, that is not where his interesting attributes end. He is also funny, and smart and driven, and has taken it upon himself to start a kinky podcast.

#ProudToBeKinky can now be found on iTunes and acast , but it has been no mean feat getting to this point. The time and effort that has gone into it is vast and I am so honoured that I have been part of making his vision come to life, and exceptionally proud of his commitment to the endeavour. I truly believe it is a fab idea, and I wholeheartedly think it is a podcast that has something to offer.

It can be really tough finding your way in the world of fetish and kink, especially if you enter as a singleton with no one to do the scary first times with. There are so many unknowns; What is a munch? What happens at a munch? What are Fetish nights like? Are people on the scene friendly? Do I need to know what I identify as? Will I be expected to know lots about BDSM? The list is endless.

What the #ProudToBeKinky podcast aims to do is make those first ventures into the scene a lot less daunting. Myself, and the three other podcast members all took those unnerving first steps onto the scene and have never looked back. We are all kinky, all proud and all really want to help other people meet like minded friends and partners.

Now, not that I’m a shameless self promoter, okay maybe I am, a little, but the first episode of the podcast that I am actually in has now been released. In this episode, which is episode #003, myself and Bakji chat about how I got into kink, and what led me to my local fetish scene. Which is pretty fun and interesting if I do say so myself. It’s also worth noting that while I’m not personally in episodes #001 and #002, they were so much fun to listen to, so do check them out as well.

So for anyone who has seen my instagram, or read my writing in the various places it pops up, now is the chance to get to hear the voice that goes with all that. I understand completely if you all wee a little bit from excitement, it really is the dog’s doo-dahs!

Hard-Ons, Handjobs and RSI!

Hi, my name’s Floss and I love handjobs. That is giving them. I don’t have a cock to receive them. Well that’s a lie, I do have a cock, it’s made of purple silicone but what that enjoys is a blog post for another day.

So back to the matter at hand (pun absolutely intended). Handjobs. I’ve always been partial to a handjob but have always had partners who were ambivalent about them or just didn’t see the point, mostly in the non-kink days of life, so I guess they were always aiming for the gold standard in non-kink sex of actually ‘doing it’. Alas, my handjob desires went unfulfilled. Isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve ever heard. Truly tragic.

Fear not though reader, do not shed those tears of sorrow for my poor handjobless hand. For I have found a willing participant and he is kind of heart and his willy is hard, a combination that means my desire to give handjobs and cause jizz explosions can finally be realised. It is quite literally, a dirty dream come true.

So the weekend has been and gone, and not being one to kiss and tell, you are not getting all the gory details (sorry folks, my erotica can totally be used for wank fodder though, so go here for that), however it’s probably obvious my hand might have got in on the action. Today is now Monday and the muscle ache in my thumb and hand that began in the early hours of Sunday morning still remains.

Now the questions I have been asking myself are:

  • Was the hard-on so hard that it has bruised my hand? (If so, holy fuck that’s hot)
  • Or have I got RSI from vigorous and repetitive handjob action? (I only have myself to blame for being a big tease if so!)

I don’t think I will ever know for sure, and I may have to rest my right hand while it recovers. Don’t panic though peeps, I can totally do lefty handjobs while righty rests. In fact, maybe this is an excellent opportunity to develop a higher level of handjob ambidextrousness and hope that in the process hope I don’t get handjob RSI in the other hand too. Although if that happens I guess I could just use my feet, but again we have hit upon a topic for another day.

The Joy of Topping

I joined the fetish scene to explore my submissive side, so my adventures in Topping were brief and a little ill-fated. Chemistry, passion, trust and encouragement can go a long way though and those things combined with someone who is crazy hot has made Topping all of the fun.

I can’t help but smile as his breathing is restricted, just a little. It gets like that when someone is sat on your face. His body is squirming below me in frustration, and every single part of me that can feel something, is on a high. There has been more before this point, teasing and tying, kissing and caressing, moments that made the world slowly fall away. Until all I know for certain is that he exists, my focus solely on all the subtleties of his body.

Every reaction no matter how small feeds the desire he has triggered in me, every intake of breath, every moan, every gasp, the twitches, and the flinches, the stolen kisses, the sorry’s and the please’s. The adoration I feel in these moments is hard to express, when he’s bound and his senses are restricted, and his body language shifts making his submission in that moment palpable, it makes my heart soar and my knickers wet.

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A little something I might wear when Topping, if Bakji is lucky!

All his wonderful responses make me want to learn him better, so that we can delve deeper with each shared experience and our dynamic can continue to evolve, because it is quite honestly the most fun I’ve ever had. He also makes me want to be the best Top I can be, but in a way that is true to my nature. I’ve realised I don’t need to adhere to other people’s ideals, I can absolutely do this my way, and if my way is cute and kitten-ey with a side serving of feisty and that’s not your thing, then walk on by, because chances are, you’re not my thing either. His trust in being a willing, and beautifully eager, rope bunny and BDSM bottom, has given me the confidence to step outside of my comfort zone and truly enjoy and embrace another facet of myself.

I’ve loved getting to know another part of him too, watching his eyes sparkle and eagerness overflow when I mention something that involves him being subby, just gives me the warm and fuzzy’s in the best possible way, it’s also fascinating to see the difference between this and his steely-eyed, determined Domly demeanour. I’m not going to lie, both absolutely work for me, but getting to play with both is just the best.

I have also learnt a lot about myself and my kinks in the short time since I tentatively began Topping. As a bottom I struggle to articulate, even to myself what I want from a scene, but as a Top, I can envisage with the utmost clarity how I’d like a scene to pan out. It is a refreshing state of mind for me. I’ve also found that revelling in someone else’s enjoyment of certain acts, or implements, or kinks, can shine a light on just how much I actually do or don’t enjoy those things for myself.

When the kink has subsided though, and recovery mode begins, I curl into him like a kitten, for head strokes and hugs, because somehow his aftercare seems to be taking care of me. In these quiet moments, I’m still learning. Mostly because our after kink chats are random and lead to us to Wikipedia, but also because the calm, soft aftercare that follows the adrenaline rush of Toppy kink allows me to reflect and process and feel. Which is pretty handy to someone whose natural inclination is to ignore and repress.

Often, well actually always, I think of nice things to say when I’m busy freeing him from the wraps of my rope, or when I’m curled up and cosy in hug, but they inevitably get stuck, and go unsaid. As someone with a fondness for words, I am often ridiculously inept at using them. So instead I wrote this, and I hope it conveys how special and exciting I find our time together, and how very grateful I am to have him in my life.


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