Podcast 101: The What, The How, The Why and The Who.

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Every now and again I’ll mention #ProudToBeKinky Podcast on this blog, which for anyone who doesn’t know is a podcast that I host with my sexy friend Bakji. The ethos of the podcast is to support and encourage the kinky and the kink curious as they journey into their kink community or start trying their kinks at home. We aim to keep things positive, fun and non-judgemental.

We have had a combination of guests episodes and episodes with just Bakji and I, of late we have moved into sharing details of out FemDom scenes as the main content of our episodes. Which we hope helps people to see that no matter your kinks you can have fun and play safely without the need for ‘one true wayism’ or venturing into stereotypes that don’t really do it for you.

That covers in a nutshell what #ProudToBeKinky is but the bigger question is … what the hell is a podcast? Yep, it was brought to my attention at the end of last year that it’s all well and good me pimping the podcast on my blog, but perhaps I’m overlooking the fact that not everyone knows what a podcast is or how to access them, or for that matter why they’d even want to.

For those of you who are looking to try new things in 2019 perhaps my Podcast 101 post can point you in the right direction and you can discover a whole host of shows that will get you excited, informed, entertained and maybe even aroused! Yes, they are that good they will turn you on!

Continue reading “Podcast 101: The What, The How, The Why and The Who.”

[#SoSS] It’s All About Me

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On Saturdays I usually do a #SoSS Saturdays post and I will be including an element of that in this post, but I’m also going to be very Floss focused. Self promotion can be a really tricky thing to do, but right now self promotion and pushing myself forward as a worthy candidate for things is quite literally putting food on the table.

As some of you know, but many of you might have missed, I am no longer in the employment of the tattoo studio I was working for. The simple reason being is the man running it showed his true colours one too many times and I stood up to a bully. I will not be a verbal punching bag for anyone, and quite frankly it makes me uncomfortable watching someone else allow that to happen to them and that was the situation I was in. So I left. Whether I was pushed or whether I jumped is up for debate, but either way I have no job.

As I was only going my apprenticeship and due to the nature of the tattoo industry in my town walking into a similar position will be extremely unlikely and may no pay the bills quick enough. Due to the nature of my Instagram and the topics I discuss here and on the podcast I often get asked for certain services, such as; nudes, cam work, phone sex, key holding services and much more.

Continue reading “[#SoSS] It’s All About Me”

[#SoSS] New Kids on the Block

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Setting up a blog is fairly easy. There a wide range of platforms where you can have a blog set up in minutes. Feeling your a legitimate blogger and not an imposter though is much harder. When asked why we write, many of us will give answers that revolve around doing it for ourselves, myself included. While that is true, I think once you start putting your words on a public platform, it is also nice to know you’re not talking into the void.

When I comment on the various memes I get involved in, especially Sinful Sunday because I endeavour to view and comment on every picture, I often notice that some of the newer participants were getting far less comments than the regulars. I understand not everyone can dedicate the time to comment on every image. Or every blog post if it’s Wicked Wednesday or Masturbation Monday, I myself can’t always do that because  reading is far more of a time commitment than viewing images. Quick shout out to Friday Flash as well because I’ve also recently given that a go for the first time. 

Continue reading “[#SoSS] New Kids on the Block”

[Review] Nexus Revo Prostate Massager

When I received the email from Lovehoney to say we were receiving the Nexus Revo Slim Remote Controlled Rotating Silicone Prostate Massager in exchange for an honest review, I was delighted. I couldn’t wait to tell Bakji and he too was excited, as we both hoped this product would advance our adventures in prostate play.

IMG_6704Currently our best experience has been with the Lovehoney Desire Luxury USB Rechargeable Remote Control Prostate Massager, but the Nexus Revo promised so much more, and at the double the price I really hoped it would deliver.

In terms of aesthetics, both packaging and product are appealing. A storage pouch is also included, though having previously had two Nexus controllers break, I am inclined to keep this product in the box, just to be on the safe side.

My first thoughts on the Revo were that is feels lovely, the silicone is soft and smooth, and it feel like a good quality product. The vibrations felt nice and strong in my hand, and the rotating shaft felt like it might be a bit of a game changer in terms of prostate stimulation.

As with our previous Nexus product the controls are also easy to use, and charging is simple and effective. Charging time in somewhere under an hour, and play time is around 90 minutes. The added bonus for some people is that it is also waterproof, which not only makes it easy to clean, it can also be used for sexy bath time or shower adventures, which could potentially work out really well for those people who are worried about anal play ‘accidents’ but still really want to explore.

When the time came to use the Revo in a sexy way, we were all set. Bakji was restrained, in what i must admit was a really fun position, involving our suspension point, our gym bench and lots of rope.  I had lots of lube, my sexy medical gloves were on and we were ready to go. In terms of size, and ease of insertion this toy was great, it’s not overly daunting, and would likely be a nice first prostate massager based on that criteria. So in it went and with baited breath I turned the Revo on ….

…. Oh! Bakji’s reactions are not as intense as I’d anticipated. I immediately noticed that the vibrations and rotating shaft didn’t have the instant effect that some of our other vibrating butt plugs and prostate massagers tend to have. I tried a variety of approaches, leaving just the vibrations on, focus more on the rotating shaft, but all in all I just had a feeling it wasn’t blowing his mind, and it certainly didn’t make him blow his load. That was me, credit for that scenes ejaculation is all mine.

While we did use the Revo throughout our scene, my thoughts had turned from lots of excitement to slightly anticlimactic. Our scene was awesome and super sexy, but I couldn’t help but feel the Revo hadn’t enhanced it as much as I’d hoped. When discussing the product with Bakji afterwards he seconded my thoughts.

While the rotating shaft wasn’t at all unpleasant, he mostly knew it was one because he could hear it, as opposed to being able to feel it. It certainly wasn’t giving him the prostate massage we were promised.

The vibrations that stimulate the perineum are good, but don’t seem to stimulate as well as other products, and not really any better than holding one of my own vibrators against that area. Which I do often, so have a fair few memories of it working really well. The best part of the perineum vibrations was when I sat against it and used it for clitoral stimulation, which because the vibrations seem to be focused more on the out part of the product actually work really well.

We also had a bit of an issue with it staying in place, and it seemed determined to slide out, which isn’t great as the idea of something like this for us is for my hands to busy elsewhere while the prostate massager does its thing. While this does happen with a variety of anal toys, we have had great success with other, lower cost products staying put.

Unfortunately when you weigh up cost versus effectiveness this product absolutely falls short. The words ‘intense p-spot massage’ are used in the product description on Lovehoney and there really wasn’t anything intense about it at all. It was definitely pleasant, and it is far from being an awful product, it’s good, but for what it costs I really do want it to be great.

If you’re new to prostate and/or anal play, don’t want anything too powerful and haveIMG_6703.jpg £149.99 burning a hole in your pocket then by all means give this a go. To be honest though it wouldn’t be our top recommendation.


This product and others will be featuring in a future episode of #ProudToBeKinky, where myself and Bakji will be discussing some of the products we have recently used and the experiences we have had with them. If there are any products you would like to hear us discuss then please do let me know, you can also contact us if you have a product you would like to send us in exchange for an honest review.

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

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There Aren’t That Many Good BDSM Podcasts

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When we finally released #ProudToBeKinky to the public it had been over a year since I’d started discussing it with Bakji, and even longer since he had envisioned the initial idea. By the time anyone heard our first episode we’d already put a ton of work into it to make it as good as it could be, for our abilities at that moment in time.

A year later and we’ve learnt a lot about both podcasting, and ourselves. The episodes we are putting out now are of course better than they were in the beginning, our passion and our desire to make a great podcast though has remained the same, we have both always been determined to make #ProudToBeKinky the very best it can be.

The reason we do that is because we feel, rightly or wrongly that we have something to share with those people who listen to us. It’s the same reason I write, the same reason people make movies or TV shows, we have thoughts and ideas that we feel might entertain, inform or support other people. 

I think at some point every person hosting a BDSM podcast has heard something akin to the following, ‘I love your podcast, it’s the best BDSM podcast, there really aren’t many other good ones’. Now don’t get me wrong, when someone says they like us best, that is awesome, I love being in that top spot for people. It makes all the effort and sacrifice we put into making #ProudToBeKinky worthwhile, knowing that people are enjoying it and getting something out of it. However, for me there’s another side to that statement that makes me feel less awesome, and that is knowing and listening to a lot of other BDSM podcasts.

We all have our preferred approach to things, some of us will enjoy a more serious approach to kink, some of us will want to hear about high protocol, other will be keen to hear about switching, some of us love guest episode and other will prefer hearing the hosts only. Just because a show isn’t a good fit for you, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not a good show for someone else.

We all, myself included consume podcasts for free. Unless you are kind enough to contribute via a Patreon page or similar, as some of our listeners are. Even then though, your access to the content is not tied in with that contribution, at any moment you can stop supporting your chosen podcast and still enjoy the show. That podcast though, for the people who create is not free, in terms of both money, time and personal sacrifices.

When someone is telling me that another BDSM podcast isn’t that good all I can think about is the time and effort they put into making their show. How much they love it, how much they want their listeners to enjoy it, how excited they are when they get good feedback. I know they aren’t personally hearing the negative things I am, but my heart always sinks for them a little bit, because I know just how much of ourselves we plough into the world of podcasting.

For myself and Bakji podcasting features in our lives every single day. Between planning future episodes, finding future guests, editing recordings, promoting episodes on social media, planning and creating Patreon content and generally thinking of ideas to make the podcasts even better, there is always something for us to do and something for us to discuss. Whether we are in the mood or not, there are days where we just have to plough through and get certain tasks done. That will often include recording with guests at peculiar times, including early hours of the morning, or recording with each other instead of doing something that might be a little bit more intimate.

I’m not saying we should have our favourites, or that we shouldn’t stop listening if we’re not feeling a show and I’m well aware that sometimes there are issues that make a podcast hard to enjoy. I’ve personally stopped listening to podcasts for a variety of reasons, but I’d still give those podcasts a massive high-five for even attempting what is actually a mammoth task. Starting and maintaining a podcast becomes a way of life, it might begin as a hobby, but for most of us I think it becomes so much more.

BDSM is a wide and varied topic, many of us have our first experiences in a wild haze of sub-frenzy often learning some hard lessons along the way. The beauty of podcasts is that those of us who are so inclined to can share our experiences and hopefully people can use that as information to find their own way with their own kinks and fetishes. I think the variety of BDSM allows for a wide range of voices to weigh in with their take on things, provided of course they do so in a responsible manner.

That is why I try my very best to listen to and recommend other Kink podcasts. Even the ones that aren’t my favourites, so long as I’ve listened to them and know they aren’t providng dangerous or questionable advice, because I know that for someone they might be the podcast of choice.

If you’re waiting for me to get to my point, here it is, podcaster’s are awesome and we need love, okay that wasn’t my intended point, but I think it is valid. With that in mind I’m going to ask you a huge favour, if you’ve got a favourite podcast whether it’s kinky or not, whether it’s mine (it so should be) or not, please show them some love. Leave them a review (if your podcast app allows it) if you haven’t already and never hesitate to reach out to them and support them, whether that’s with an email, a retweet or by supporting their Patreon where possible.

To show that I don’t ask for things that I’m not willing to do myself, here are some of my favourite kink, sex or polyamory podcasts. In no particular order though, I am not telling you who my numer one is.

Off The Cuffs

Loving BDSM

Black People Kink

The Dildorks

Polyamory Weekly

Multiamory

Life on the Swingset

If you enjoy the content I provide both here and as part of the #ProudToBeKinky Podcast and you would like to support that, then likes and comments are joyful to receive and you can also click below to support me through Ko-fi

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Real Life Interferes with D/s

N.B: This blog post was inspired an email from the Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s. If you haven’t listened to their podcast yet please do so, you can also check out the website for great resources and links on how to listen or follow on social media.


This one I know all about. Obviously you all know I have a blog, and a podcast. Both of which are time-consuming. I also have a 5 year old son and a non-kink evening job to help pay the bills. I also have a Dad I like to see regularly, friends I like to connect with when I can and family members of the little one I take him to see. I also have a Bakji and together we like to get to as many Fetish events as we can, and rope jams, and the odd munch here and there. So as you can imagine life gets in the way of my kink, all the goddamn time!

I wrote ‘Quickies, Not Just For Sex’ a while back, which was in part prompted by a kink drought of about 3 weeks. Where we just couldn’t seem to find time to schedule in any play. After that stint we both resolved that it couldn’t happen again. For us that stretch of time involved no kink and no sex. Both of which are fairly important in terms of creating intimacy. Of course there were kisses and cuddles, but they only go so far. I do love them though don’t get me wrong.

Last week we spent more time together than any other week since we’ve been together, but it was filled with podcast research, podcast recording and very much felt more like business than pleasure. While we did fit in some kink towards the end of the week, I must admit it didn’t quite feel like it was enough to address the balance. So this weekend I really felt like it was important for us to spend some time together without too much podcast action, and with a definite presence of kinky and sexy fun.

I had a scene planned in my mind, and I was all set to go full on FemDom and really put Bakji through his paces. When the time came though, the vibe wasn’t right. I had a feeling a more sensual and playful session might be more fruitful, so I opted out of my planned scene and changed pace a little. Sometimes real life getting in the way means you can lose your rhythm a little bit, and connecting and feeling close felt more important than getting to do my scene as planned.

I think D/s can be a bit of a double-edged sword when it comes to keeping things going while real life continues in flurries around us. On one hand you can have small gestures, rituals, protocols that can keep the kink alive each day. However I think if these are occurring daily without the intimacy of a scene/play session/sexual play happening alongside this somewhat regularly it can make things start to feel like habit rather than something you do for pleasure.

No matter how busy life gets, and trust me I know it can get hella busy, I think sometimes you have to be a little bit ruthless and just say enough is enough we need some goddamn kink. We had the opportunity to go to an event this weekend, and as fun as that would have been I had to be honest and tell Bakji that I really wasn’t feeling it. That what I actually needed was something a bit more intimate than an event with hundreds of other kinksters.

I think it can sometimes be hard to be the person to speak up and say, ‘I actually need x or y kind of time from you’, but doing so it really the only way to make it happen. Also, sometimes our partners might need to hear that. Hearing that someone wants to spend that quality time with you, and values and craves the intimacy you have together can be a wonderful reassurance, especially when things might have gone off the boil a bit.

Bakji and I are very conscious of how we spend our time together, especially now we do so many productive tasks together. Sometimes we only have a small amount of time one day a week, after I finish work at 9pm to do anything kinky together. Often the last thing I feel like doing is getting sexy, and taking charge of a kinky scene. It is always worth it though. Even if we only do a short scene, it is always better than not doing anything at all.

It’s easy to become convinced things need to be elaborate and long-winded, some of our most fun things have been impromptu and short-lived though. One of my favourite memories happened when we were taking the pictures for the FemDom and Fetish FunIMG_3688 (1) artwork, in which my shiny bum made sexy things happen in Bakji’s pants and the only polite thing to do was pull them down and give him a handjob until he jizzed. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t elaborate, but it was fun, sexy and intimate.

I don’t have all the answers when it comes to navigating real life and still finding time to get kinky. What I do know though is sometimes it only takes one person in the partnership to take the initiative and awesome things can happen. I also know that sexy times can often arise out of sensual and loving acts. Running someone a bath, making them dinner and giving them a nice massage can ease away some of the stresses and strains of real life, and can often make way for more pleasant feelings.

With all that said though, I think there are some days when what we really need is to say ‘I just can’t kink, but I would really love a cuddle’. Part of what I love about the journey Bakji and I have been on since we started exploring our kinks together is that it has helped me learn to communicate on a much better level, I’m far less afraid these days of admitting that sometimes life gets a bit too much and often that means I need a little bit of looking after.

Real life really can interfere with kink dynamics, of all formations, but more often than not I think our kink dynamics can make real life a whole lot easier to deal with.

Talking About Kink To A Vanilla Partner

N.B: This blog post was inspired an email from the Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s. If you haven’t listened to their podcast yet please do so, you can also check out the website for great resources and links on how to listen or follow on social media.


I did not get this right. Not at all. I also see people getting it wrong all the time. So many messages on Reddit, Fetlife, Lovehoney etc, the main theme of them being, ‘how can I get partner to do x, y or z with me.’ Hint: You don’t. You ask, you talk, you explore with consent. You don’t plot and scheme ways to coerce and wear a partner down until they say yes. Whether your kink is anal sex or bondage.

If you are kinky, and to your knowledge your partner isn’t then please tread carefully. Remember that you’ve had time to think about these things, your partner has not, they will need time to process, time to decide and time to learn, if they wish to experiment with you. Have resources at hand that they can look to for initial answers, and be willing to answer all their questions, even the ones that might hurt a bit.

Be willing to compromise and start slow. You may well have a whole scene planned in your head, where you partner is Dominant, taking full control, restraining you, spanking you, using toys on you, perhaps you fancy some humiliation or sensory deprivation, that is a lot to process for someone who identifies as not kinky. They might however be willing to do some light bondage while teasing you with a vibrator. Don’t be disappointed that it isn’t everything at once, be grateful they are willing to try.

I’m not proud of the fact that when I realised I was kinky I just assumed my partner at the time would be into it as well. He wasn’t, at all. He tried, and some things went fairly well, some things left me feeling a bit icky afterwards. He was very sweet to try though, and I don’t for one second blame him for not getting into it. Kink is not his thing. I do however wish I’d been more gentle with asking for and introducing kink. As it turns out that relationship is no longer going, and we are still great friends. I wish I’d understood though how jarring it is to have a partner suddenly drop the kink bomb on you.

You may have been with the partner you are sharing with for a month, a year or a decade. You may have a thriving sexual relationship and you might be planning for a blooming future together. This does not mean they owe you your chance to get kinky though. If they aren’t into it and don’t want to do it, you can’t force them and you shouldn’t want to. Their enthusiastic consent is paramount, whether it’s for a spanking or a sexual act.

My next opinion might not be popular, but I truly believe that if you are so kinky you can’t imagine living your life without it, and your partner is not kinky and doesn’t really want to be. Instead of figuring out how we can coerce them into it, we should be figuring out how we can part ways with the least amount of destruction and heartbreak possible. I know that this hurts, I know it’s hard to make these decisions, and I know because I did it. It is not fair to anyone though to live a life that may end ultimately in resentment. Whatever the issue is that might cause that. I’m not saying this is the solution for every person, but it will be the solution for some people, like it was for me. We should not be shamed if this is our choice.

If however you have a non-kink partner who is eager to explore with you, brilliant. Do let them take things at their own pace though and be prepared that they might discover kinks of their own that you weren’t prepared for. Even if they discover that they had a kinky side after all, there’s no saying that your kinks will align. Kinks are many and varied, and the ones we are into can take us by surprise.

When it comes specifically to D/s, if you harbour ideas of high protocol or a 24/7 D/s dynamic, again this will not happen overnight, even if your partner is up for giving it a go. I would highly recommend getting our onto your local scene and meeting people who have similar dynamics, online communities offer a huge amount of support and resources too. Signing up for something similar to 30 Days of D/s is great you can both talk through what each topic means to you and identify what might be most important to you both in a D/s dynamic.

It would also be remiss of me to recommend checking out some podcasts. Part of why we started #ProudToBeKinky was not only for kinksters looking to get information on how to get out and about to make friends within the community, but also to make it accessible and friendly for those who are kink curious. Other podcasts like Loving BDSM are great for learning about a more specific dynamic, and again they are not going to be terrifying to someone who is simply curious and looking to learn.

Don’t run before you walk though, and don’t be angry with yourself or each other if you make mistakes. Whether that is in terms of D/s or general kink activities. When you’re learning things might go wrong, or certain things might not be a good fit. If you keep talking to each other though and being honest about what is going well and what isn’t feeling so great, over time you should find your own rhythm and you own way of doing things.

At the end of the day though many, many people are not kinky and that is 100% okay. As much I support people and their desire to get their kink on, I also support people and their desire to get their vanilla on. I used ‘vanilla’ in the title of the post, but there’s a reason I didn’t use it throughout the blog post. I try really hard to not use it in what could come off as ‘ugh, vanilla, how crap’, which does unfortunately happen sometimes in the kink community. Vanilla is valid, and it’s yummy and no one should be shamed for not being kinky. Someone might not be full on kinky, but they might well be vanilla with chocolate sprinkles and that can be a lot of fun too.