It was my birthday back in November and I’d booked the day off work. What actually happened was I ended up having two weeks off courtesy of my doctor after I phoned her in a terrible state.
Winter has kicked my butt big time. The dark and the cold has done nothing to help my mood. October brought with it a lot of memories of a tricky time in my childhood, and it left me feeling like a little girl again. I was a little girl with a child of her own to look after though and I didn’t really know where to turn. For the first time in a long time I wanted my Mum, and as someone who does a very good job at glossing over just how hard her death was for me, wanting her in itself was a struggle.
Continue reading “Mental Health Matters #3”
In my last post I discussed the first time I was prescribed medication for depression. The seconded time I visited the doctor about this matter, it was anxiety that was the centre of the discussion, though for me the two are always interlinked.
I was 22 when I went to the doctor about feeling overwhelmed by my struggle to sleep and my constant worries about leaving the house for work. When I explained my sleeping patterns to the doctor and how long that had been part of my life, I discovered I’d been suffering the effects of anxiety for all of my adult life. It was my ‘normal’ though and I had never questioned it until it had started to affect my daily life.
The doctor said I had ‘high functioning anxiety’ and since that day I’ve always accepted that as true. Especially once I found some information on typical behaviours of people who suffer from this. Even now if I type high functioning anxiety into google I recognise myself in virtually any of the articles I click on. All these years on I can also see how unhealthy many of the behaviours associated with this are, and I feel a little bit sad that they just became a part of me. I find it hard to believe that it is possible for me to undo some of these behaviours. They feel far too deep routed for me to be able to untangle them from who I am without them.
Continue reading “[Life] Mental Health Matters #2”
Mental health and the support people receive when they are affected by less than stellar mental health is a subject close to my heart, but not one I ever write about in any detail. I sometimes make a passing comment about how I need to be careful when it comes to my mental well being, but no more than that.
The reason I don’t write about it isn’t because I’m ashamed and I don’t think suffering with mental health issues makes me less awesome, my reasons for not writing about it are twofold. My first experiences with opening up about how I felt didn’t encourage me to discuss things further, and secondly I’m aware my struggles aren’t as bad as others, so I sometimes feel my story isn’t as important to share.
Continue reading “[Life] Mental Health Matters #1”