… I wanted to call this post ‘On Writing‘. I shan’t dwell on that though. However, if you haven’t read that particular title of Stephen King’s I highly recommend it.
Back to the post at hand and what perfect inspiration this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is for me. The blog has been quiet the last week or so. New working hours have been well and truly kicking my ass, there has been a lot of daytime snoozing to make sure my physical and mental health don’t slip. I have had to accept that for the moment the blog isn’t the most important thing in life right now. That doesn’t mean regular service won’t resume though, it will and the reason is that I love writing and when I saw the Wicked Wednesday prompt I knew it was the perfect blog post to kick start my writing again.
For me, writing has been an outlet of emotions since my teens. My first love when it came to producing writing was poetry. I can’t recall my exact age but I was around twelve I think when I read ‘Love’s Philosophy’ by Percy Bysshe Shelley. That single poem felt to me like the purest and most wonderful thing ever written. It sent me on a journey to discover a poem I loved more than that one. To this day I have never found one, that poem remains my all-time favourite. It moves something inside me everytime I read it and I never tire of it.
The word fiasco didn’t even begin to cover the shit show that was unravelling in front of Elly. She had thought she was at the helm of all the deceit and mayhem. It turns out she was as clueless as Jay. Poor Jay. He’d had his faults, but he did not deserve the torture Richard and Ben had put him through. No one deserved that, except perhaps Richard and Ben.
They thought they were so clever, putting all the pieces together, erring on the side of caution that Elly wasn’t all she seemed and that her interest in Richard might not be genuine. If only Ben hadn’t seen that rare picture of her and her mother that she’d tagged Richard in after he’d made an irritating number of enquiries as to what she looked like. It was Ben seeing that photo that ruined everything, he and Richard had connected far too many dots and when Elly reached out to Ben it was the confirmation they needed that she was plotting against her husband.
Content Warning: Themes of Humiliation and Degradation included
‘It’s frivolous. You’re frivolous. Don’t you realise some us struggle to pay our bills each month.’
The conversation was always the same with Jane, I wouldn’t mind so much if she wasn’t nursing a rather expensive bottle of wine as we spoke, and if there was even truth in nature of a my frivolity.
‘What is your indiscretion?’ I hear you cry. I must confess, I have a cleaner. At least this is what Jane thinks. What I actually have though is a willing and consenting submissive, who gains an awful lot of pleasure of being allowed to do various household tasks for me, in exchange I reward her for her good behaviour. She’s adorable and eager to please which means my house is always spotless. She also has a variety of cleaning outfits that without fail brighten my day when I see them.
I’m not big on the ‘L’ word, when I saw it was the prompt for the week I was doing the round-up for Wicked Wednesday I really did think that was vaguely comical. In the three years I have been intimately involved with Bakji I have probably said it no more than dozen times, maybe even less than 10. Or it could be more but I might have been drunk for many of them.
In addition to the above, which must seem like a terrible admission, It took me about 2 years to say ‘I love you’, I felt it after about 3 months, at 4 months I realised I wasn’t going to undo the horror of ‘falling in love’ and promised myself that if I felt the same after 6 months I’d say it. Then for many a fucked up reason I decided to never say it, would be a wiser decision.
What happened in the absence of I love you was actually quite sweet, we found different ways to express our affection, both of us I think not daring or wanting to declare too much. I think we each had our own reasons for that, but I think in part for both of us it was not wanting to ‘jinx it’.
Even now it is something we say very infrequently, but when it is said it is rather lovely, I have to admit that. Discussing why I felt the way I do, or feel the way I do about ‘I love you’ is well known to me, but would be thoroughly depressing to write about. A lot of it is irrational and I need to let so much of it go, and I’m working on that, sort of, but I think this is one case where writing out just won’t help.
Instead I want to focus on something positive. Well ten positives actually. In a somewhat uncharacteristic display of unabashed affection I would like to share with you 10 things I love about Bakji, all of which show that he is to blame for me catching feelings in the first place.
He is super funny!
Anyone who listens to the podcast will have heard my eye-rolls when Bakji interrupts me with yet another joke. Don’t be fooled though, those eye-rolls are nearly always accompanied by a grin and he has made me laugh every single day for the last three years. He is so silly sometimes and he think up daft games for us to play to keep me entertained. My own nature is far more serious and I need that laughter in my life. That he not only can make me laugh, but is so happy to do so, is truly one of my favourite things about him
He helps me try new things!
The amount of new things I’ve tried and discovered I love since meeting Bakji is a really long list. From podcasts to food, and of course new kinks. I have discovered more about myself in three years than I did in the previous 30! He does this by sharing his likes with me, and not being a bumhead when I decide to copy. He suggests new things to me and is happy when I seem curious and decide maybe I’d like that thing too.
He’s kind and generous
In the early days of our sexy friendship I was very careful not to overshare. No mentioning my worries, no boring him with the drudgery of my life as a parent, keeping the conversation light and as carefree as possible was my main aim. I was determined to never seem ill, or out of sorts and vowed that if I ever was those things then Bakji wouldn’t be dealing with them. As time has gone on hiding all those things from someone has been impossible, and when I have shared these things with Bakji he has always been the sweetest and most loving person I could ask for, and when and where he can he is always generous in terms of helping me make things better. I still dig my heels in sometimes when it comes to being looked after, but it’s actually a wonderful thing to know that he there for me when I need him.
He loves going on adventures with me
When I first joined the kink community one of the things I was searching for was adventure. By adventure I don’t necessarily mean distant travels to far away lands, although I’m not saying no to that if someone is offering. Adventures to me can be all kinds of things, for Bakji and I our adventures together began with travelling to kink events. Living outside of London meant lots of car journeys. We would drive to London, park near the event venue, have our fun, then drive home again at any time between 1am and 4am! Usually falling into bed between 6am and 7am. It never failed to shock people, but it was fun and we were doing it all together which made it even better. We’ve also had adventures in learning rope, adventures into new realms of kinky fun and adventures in non-monogamy. It was also only this year that we actually did go on an international adventure and that was an amazing adventure for sure. I know we have many more adventures to come and I can’t wait for them all.
He gives the best cuddles and snuggles
Physical affection is something that does not come naturally to me. No big bad reason for that. It’s just the way I am, with everyone. When I met Bakji and we started doing kinky things together the aftercare bit was not what I was expecting. Content to be left alone he would initiate a hug, and I think it may have been the first time we did this I actually said ‘we don’t have to hug’, his reply to which was he would like to, if that’s okay. It was different, but it wasn’t an issue so we began to hug more and somewhere along the line I began to love those cuddles. They are so good. I’m still not the best at initiating them. I do it far more than I ever imagined I would though and I love snuggling with Bakji, especially when we have sleepovers and we are all cosy in bed together. It is one of the best feelings in the world.
He’s gorgeous and sexy
Is it cheating to include this one I wonder? Maybe, but I feel like it would be less authentic if I didn’t include it because I’d be lying if I said Bakji’s gorgeous face wasn’t one of the first things that I noticed about him. He is so pretty. Three years down the line and he is even more gorgeous now than he was when I first met him and that is quite an achievement. His body was so enticing that it made me decide that I need to learn rope and take up Topping. I know some people find focusing on physical attraction shallow, but that physical attraction and chemistry we have together is all part of what made the deeper feelings develop. Without that initial ‘phwoar, I want some of that sexy’ we may not be where we are at all.
He listens and hears
One of the things I have often found frustrating is when I try to talk something through with someone and they offer me a solution based not on what I said, or meant, but based on what they decided I’d said. Listening is one thing, but actually hearing someone is a whole other skill set. I am forever grateful that Bakji doesn’t just listen to me, but he hears me too. He doesn’t leap to solutions either,thought he does offer his assistance if he feels it’s appropriate. Often though I don’t need him to fix anything for me, I say often because sometimes I really do need that, most of all though what I’m usually looking for is just a sounding board or a listening ear and someone to tell me it will be okay. The fact that Bakji actually gets this means a lot.
He’s unapologetic about being himself
We do not have the most conventional of relationships and we have no desire to follow the more regular steps of the relationship escalator as it were. We both have our own reasons for this, some overlap, some don’t. What I have always respected about Bakji is that he has no desire to pander to society and apologise for not wanting some of the things that may be expected from him. In the beginning this meant that I didn’t quite appreciate that our relationship could and eventually develop in something a little more meaningful than I had initially imagined. It was I think a reason I didn’t really keep my guard up, because I didn’t think there was anything to guard against. Not wanting to live together or use more familiar (to society) terminology for our dynamic doesn’t make it any less special though. I think Bakji always new these things, and a multitude of other things, and it took me some time to figure them out. I’m glad I did though because I adore the slightly random way in which we have combined sexy forces and feel blessed to have done so without either of us having to have compromised on things that are deal breakers for us. (Just to add we do compromise overall, we are no immovable and unfeeling objects.)
He challenges me to be better
Not as in ‘I challenge thee to duel, be better now or I shall poke thee with my fighting stick’, although now I’ve written that I’m having thoughts about his ‘fighting stick’ (yes I do mean willy) and I think improvements could be made faster if he threatened me with it more. In all seriousness though, there are some people who drag you down in life, and some who lift you up. Quite often it’s not even about whether or not they try to do those things, it’s just human nature. Bakji is thankfully one of those people who lifts you up. He is organised, driven and always on the lookout to improve himself or learn new things. He does those things for him, but witnessing them makes me want to do them for myself too. I think I’m yet to make the leap from better self to best self, but these things don’t happen overnight and luckily I have a Bakji to keep me company along the way.
I sometimes get messages on Instagram asking if I’m ‘single’ which isn’t actually true or false, non-monogamy and/or polyamory rather changes the way you need to ask and answer that question. I am however not ‘available’ to them, so I always say no, and because I don’t care to give them my life story I simply say I ‘have a partner’. To which they always nearly always reply, ‘oh, I bet he wouldn’t like knowing you show the world your arse/sell men nudes/are a massive cok tease’ etc. Not only does he know, but he wholeheartedly support me doing things that a) entertain me and b) earn me some extra monies. He is supportive of me in so many ways and he is supportive of me for the best reason ever, he simply wants good things for me. He also trusts me not to do anything stupid, like sell a kidney for a fiver or meet a random stranger offering me 50p for a blowjob.
There we have it, 10 delightful things that I love about Bakji, or things about Bakji that make me love him, I’m not really sure which way round it works. Either way though, he is the most awesome sexy-friend a girl could ask for.
Written for this weeks Wicked Wednesday prompt, please do check out the other blog post that are added to the link up, my fellow bloggers never disappoint and you will definitely find some sexy and interesting reads there.
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It’s been a while since I joined in with TMI Tuesday, but I really do find it a fun way for my readers to get to know me better. Hopefully with more time to blog now I will be getting involved on a weekly basis. Please do consider getting involved and take a look through the other blog that are joining in.
1. You can only keep 3 things: (pick and explain your choices)
Coffee Jewelry Books Chocolate Wine or Beer Netflix Tacos
Books, Chocolate and Netflix. Books because I think the world would be a much duller place if I didn’t have the wonderful writing of other to explore. Chocolate because I have a crazy sweet tooth and the thought of never eating chocolate again makes me feel quite sad! I try to eat it moderately but when I do eat it I LOVE it. Netflix because it’s the only access I have to T.V shows (I don’t own a Television), and sometimes it really is just nice to relax with a bar of chocolate and a few episodes of something I enjoy. Gives my brain a bit of a break from the thinking it seems to do constantly.
It’s been a sizzling summer and the sex blogging community has been matching that, if not exceeding the temperatures with some of the awesomely sexy writing they have been sharing, this last week was no different.
For last weeks Wicked Wednesday I wrote a piece of erotica, ‘Cool Shower- Part 2‘ that contained humiliation as its main theme and a little while back I wrote ‘(Super Sexy) Thoughts on Erotic Humiliation’, and recently it is a kink that I have been thinking about more and more and I would really love to share some of my developing thoughts with you all.
It is no secret to anyone who has read my blog posts on non-monogamy that it has been a work in progress sorting through my feelings on it. One of the feelings I struggled with the most was that ‘bleurgh’ feeling in the pit of my stomach when I tried to visualise Bakji with another lady. I honestly thought this was one of those things I had to just put up with if I wanted to be non-monogamous.